I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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