We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The uberlube is also flammable
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
