"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
farters have to be the big spoon...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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