You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
