You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
