So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
