I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
