Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
