look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
