Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
