The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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