just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
