I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
