I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
