i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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