We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
