Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
