dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
