i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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