At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
