He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
