My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm always down for nudity.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
