bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
