me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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