i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Vodka?
Forever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
