the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
