our cab driver is having phone sex.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
