i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
BRING THE BAGELS
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
