I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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