Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
