Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She's the barista slut.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
