Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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