Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize