So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
