I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
