There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
