I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
