Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
