he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
