i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
