theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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