I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
