I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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