So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Can i not drive my cunt home
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
