I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
