i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
