I cannot find my penis.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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