I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize