Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
