wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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