she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
