just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
