chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize