i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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