I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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