I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize