is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
