Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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