He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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