i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
