You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize