I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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