Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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